I always knew I wanted to be a mum. While many of my friends were focused on their careers, I felt my sole purpose on this planet was to be a mother. So, when I became pregnant with our first daughter, I felt true joy. 

Fast forward a couple of years, which sadly included an early miscarriage, I was happy to be pregnant again. 

There’s no denying that I loved being pregnant. Seeing my body change and feeling my baby grow inside was an incredible experience. I loved talking to our eldest about becoming a big sister and planning for life with two children.

During my first delivery, I discovered I have a dextrorotated uterus, an uncommon complication. As a result, our first daughter was born by c-section, and on the advice of my medical team, I was booked for a planned c-section to deliver our baby. But my body had other ideas.

Two weeks before my planned delivery, I started feeling uncomfortable. It felt like Braxton Hicks, but they didn’t ease up. Quickly, these “twinges” ramped up, and by the time we reached the Day Assessment Centre, I was in agony. I didn’t leave the hospital until days later, holding our beautiful little girl, Ottilie, or Ottie as we call her.

Physically, birth was tough. During the emergency c-section, the consultant discovered my uterus had ruptured, and my baby’s feet were poking through—a very rare pregnancy complication, especially outside of labour. Thankfully, she was delivered safely and showed no signs of injury. However, I struggled mentally with the fact that there was very nearly a different outcome, and with the knowledge that I could no longer carry any more children.

In the weeks following, sharing my birth experience often brought out my emotions. I tried to focus on the present and how lucky we were that everything worked out. 

But, talking did help, along with counting my blessings, snuggling and prioritising naps and sleep so I wasn't running on fumes. 

Later, I was referred to the NHS iTalk service, which provided brilliant support to help me process my birth. 

During my second pregnancy, I trained to become a sleep consultant. I couldn’t believe how hard those early months were until I lived them, and I felt there was a lack of support for new mums. 

My new qualification meant that my approach to sleep was different this time around. Equipped with knowledge of wake windows and sleep cycles, I worked on our sleep hygiene from the outset.

This isn’t ‘sleep training’ but more about being mindful of what can support newborn sleep. 

My newborn sleep kit

• We kept an eye on how long our newborn was awake, aiming for naps every hour
• Red light to aid sleep after night wakings 
• White noise to support sleep 
• Embracing late bedtimes
  

For the first 12 weeks, your little one is in what’s called the fourth trimester—they don’t realise they aren’t part of you. This is why they settle much easier when they’re close to you. I fully embraced the cuddles and connection, even finding myself co-sleeping.

With your second child, there are no luxurious long lie-ins, so I napped on the days my eldest was in nursery (three and a half days a week) to catch up a little. At night, I kept the baby up until we went to bed, hoping her best block of sleep would coincide with ours. Previous experience and my qualification taught me that rushing to a 7pm bedtime often results in the baby’s best block of sleep happening before 10pm—not ideal for new parents.

A combination of being mindful about when and how our newborn was sleeping helped us all feel more rested - something that was not the case the first time around. 

I did struggle to find my style and identity after becoming a mum. There were clothes I felt I could no longer wear, and I often didn’t know what looked good anymore. While I still have items from before pregnancy, my wardrobe now consists of long floaty dresses and functional t-shirts and jeans, with lots of pockets for all the essentials.

After my second birth, I invested in postpartum knickers that gave me a bit more confidence. Along with some beautiful dresses that I’ve rented, they’ve helped me feel a little more like, well, me.

Life is chaotic joy. I try to imprint so many little moments— first words, the two girls playing together, and the cute off-the-cuff sisterly moments. They’re both affectionate—one sits on my lap while the other rests her cheek on mine. This often happens simultaneously, and I try hard to embrace it despite feeling touched out.

I am incredibly grateful for both of them - although there are moments of sadness that neither is no longer a little baby, it’s exciting to grow together. Plus, these days, I’m able to reclaim little bits of time for myself and feel more like me, not just Mum.

Whether it’s your first baby, your second or your third, fight to find those Mum friends that have similar aged babies that you actually gel with. It makes such a difference having someone to go for a walk with, to share the teething woes with, to go to another baby class with. If you have Mum friends that you don’t think will ultimately become your actual friends, find some new ones that will.